This is the part of Bracketville nobody warned you about. This is the other side of the Bracketville tracks, where the Utah States and Kent States and Georgia States and Hamptons (Hampton!) all live in a dusty trailer park that everybody pretends doesn't exist. But they're coming to town now, and ain't nobody can stop 'em.

This Week's List

Bad news for Mike Davis: Indiana fired the last guy who lost in the first round of the tournament.

So, why does the first round of the NCAA Tournament constitute the best two days of the sporting year?: Hampton coach Steve Merfeld, running out of his suit.

We love heady players and exquisite back cuts as much as the next guy, but: Georgia State saved us from having to watch any more of that stultifyingly fundamental Wisconsin ball.

In dire economic times like these, it's good to know there's at least one sure thing: If you've announced as many as one college basketball game in your career and you aren't working this weekend, then you just aren't trying.

Another sure thing: Kevin Harlan will be somewhere this weekend, and he will be screaming.

We had high hopes when he was standing in the freeway with that vending machine, but nothing came of it: That 7-Up guy needs to go away.

Class act of the week: Vince McMahon, spluttering and pointing and getting into Bob Costas' face (on Costas' HBO show) like one of his wrestling buffoons.

Since all those negative people in the media seem to be reveling in the XFL's tire fire of failure, let's look at some of the positives: 1) Last Saturday's prime-time NBC game beat out Chico And The Man reruns on Channel 48 in Akron; 2) cheerleader for Maniax didn't get fired after all for missing that Saturday late shift at Bouncy Broads out by the airport; 3) highlights of one of the games was shown on a cross-country United flight Wednesday evening (NBC, have you no shame?) and the guy in 17E actually looked up to watch.

A question to ask yourself as you shake your head and decry Michael Jordan's potential ruination of his considerable legacy: If he somehow comes back as Jim McIlvaine for two seasons, are people going to remember the Jordan years or the McIlvaine years?

In other words: If he wants to come back and play, why should anyone care about what he's doing to his legacy?

Give me the bad win over the good loss any day of the week: Utah State and Georgia State live, while RPI darling Georgia (16-15) dies an ignoble death.

This week on Hangin' with Sheff: The Dodgers' outfielder is hospitalized after he wakes up one morning and decides -- simultaneously -- to be traded, waived and retire a Dodger.

Be sure to tune in next week: When our hero settles on his only fresh option -- the Peace Corps.

Besides, friends and family know she's really the R in RPI: The endless fill-out-my-bracket office pool columns fill the right amount of space, but it's just too much for us to believe that every Ruth in every two-bit accounting department wins every single year.

You know it's coming, you just don't know when: Billy Packer will scan the 10 sweating bodies on the court and say, "These coaches ... can you believe these coaches?"

Team most likely to repeat: Michigan State.

In certain situations -- say, a police lineup -- it might be hard to tell them apart: Robert Downey Jr. and Greg Maddux.

No! No! No! This tragic slander must be stopped! If you like oatmeal but not when it's runny, or if coffee sometimes perks you up, or if a smile from a young child makes you remember the important things in life, it is your duty to stand up and stop the slander!: Some evil people are saying parts of this week's Larry King USA Today column (indispensable, vital, integral to our national identity) were plagiarized off the Internet.

Overrated concept in athletics, and one totally created and perpetuated by the media: Teams fighting through off-field "distractions" to succeed on the court/field.

A question without an answer: Why is it that every time Kevin Brown gets into a nasty spot (as he did this week with Brian Jordan) he turns into Gomer Pyle ("Golly good grief, why would I want to hit him?")?

And finally, if life is one big dinner party, then: Order Knoblauch whatever Ankiel's having.

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail tim.keown@espnmag.com.